Polish jokes

A Polish guy married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada  a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect,
they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, un acre und half.

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I always up before her.

LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.

LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I gut proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought bottle at drug store, und put on shelf in bathroom. I cun read - it sez "Polish Remover."


Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"



Why do Polish names end in "ski" ? A: Because they can't spell toboggan.


Two Poles are talking about their friend who immigrated to America. "Did you hear about Bartek? He opened up a jewellery store after just one year in America!" "How did he do that?"
 "With a crowbar."

polish remover [`polɪʃ  rɪ`mu:və(r)] zmywacz do paznokci
Polish remover [`pəulɪʃ rɪ`mu:və(r)] usuwacz Polaków
toboggan  [tə`bogən] sanki
crowbar [`krəuba:(r)] łom stalowy