Get a grip ,woman

“For God’s sake, get a grip, woman. Don’t you know 
how lucky you are? You have zero right to be unhappy. 
Thousands are being murdered in Syria and you can’t 
even get out of bed, you self-indulgent cow. 

What happened to that fitness regime you promised 
you’d start, eh? No self-control, that’s your problem. 
And you haven’t replied to Jane’s texts. Jane must think 
you’re a crap friend. And she’s right. It’s a miracle 
you’ve got any friends left. Get up! 

You’ve got a to-do list which stretches from here 
to Loch Lomond.Pack the boy’s bag for camp, 
check Twitter. The plants on the patio are dying 
in their polystyrene coffins because you haven’t had 
time to put them in pots. Poor plants must hate you. 
Better check those watched eBay items.You don’t want 
to miss out on that incredible vintage (aka old, smelly 
and broken) deckchair, which is going to transform 
your life and usher in a new era of relaxation. 
Oh, dear God.I’m supposed to have handed in my review
of Ruby Wax’s book to the paper. Gah! What are you 
going to tell them, eh? ‘Sorry, I was too depressed to 
review the book about depression?’”

By Allison Pearson

get a grip (on oneself)  [get e grɪp]- wziąć się w garść

self-indulgent               [self ɪn`dʌldʒənt ] pobłażliwy dla siebie

miss out                       [mɪs aut] opuszczać, tracić

aka = also known as    [ ej kej ej ] znany także jako

usher                           [`ʌʃə; ] wprowadzić